A New Years Revolution and an Overhaul of the Old

Quite unintentionally a mistake was made. People would wonder and some older folks would always know. Moving along seemed the best option in better times. But now, the stories are most than often lost and the motives need looking for again. I can understand that in better days. I never forget, in some ways. But living and leaving and loving and grieving and life and a slope that you never climb up. I'm no monkey.

Screaming into Space

My actions in the past month have been more futile than I ever could have imagined. Long since I've barked up the wrong tree at such length. So much misdirected effort for absolutely nothing in return. I suppose the otherside of this story could see this as "What Comes Around Goes Around" but that's hardly the case. Love is now lost and we're not sending out any teams to search for it. If it wanders back up to the door hungry and dirty I may bathe and feed it a good meal, but I'll keep my distance on the other side of the room and not take my eyes off of it for a second. I cannot trust this often rabid beast but I can try to understand and better deal with it in the future. I've learned things and that's important. I'm still alive, that's more important.

Two Years, Two Loves, No Better

Forgot this even existed. But I have much to type as always. Words and words keep flowing out of my hands from my head. Somehow needing to be heard, crying for attention in a world I hide from. Who can see me if I want not to be seen. I see myself in the mirror and ask this question. Mirrors don't answer back. True Story. So I change the face I see reflected and the ask again. Still no answer. Who has the answer I'm searching for? I can think of only one person and as of a couple weeks ago I get the luxury of going to voicemail. A well deserved sentence for my crimes, for there were many. Number 1 on the list of things never to do again is Lie. It hurts more people and myself more than I ever imagined. Life a decent and honest life and there's no need for it. I'm trying. I'm trying.

This wasn't my mess in the first place

It's ticking and ticking and goddamnit man it just won't stop. All this useless garble. The white noise, the static of everyday day to day. Erasing so the memory can't return with it's nonsense and gossip. You and I, what? WHO ARE YOU, STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME. Thanks. Game Over.

Bubble over spilling unto me

What's up with this boredom and invasion. They fly down from the rafters like spiders upon their prey. They don't quite snatch up everything to devour but rather nibble slowly. Gnawing inside.

In her magic show I played the Clown

The seem on this dream is beginning to tear. No more card tricks, I wanna play solataire. That's from a song. Go figure. I don't write that well. My hands are very very dry. No moisture. Nothing. dry. That's just how it is sometimes I guess.

How unnoticed and very unremarkable

Sizzling dizziness inside the creamed crop of white light inside of the ghost managerial skill. Marginal and set aside again. That's hurting. Sift through the thoughts and all of that garbage. Inside out, outside of my own head and turning back again, slow. Bunyan dancing. Ballroom elite are striding, striving, towards a victory. Secret commercial. Best kept told and not anymore. Grow me something and make it live only to be eaten by me.