Everything from the left seems softer

I think I'm trying too hard to set myself up for failure. Not that I ever win, why do I even try. Sorry that was a bit of a mashed up Beatles lyric. It's not easy being green, but it's really hard to start. So much better from the killing heart in the anorexic south that we've so far called home. Got up the stairs and found that only being halfway there was not a prospect I had considered. We've seen these pictures in our dreams, but painting them is a whole other story. So crusty and green and smelling so odd. Where's this hidden temple I keep hearing about. Explore it I will. Not much to say now, later.

Not even worthy of my own self-loathing

It's a great day to not be alive when you can believe that. For this isn't a truth. Creating and unfolding, refolding and burning it to ash again. Putting the ash back together and finding a source of inspiration if the well hasn't run dry. My bucket always comes up empty, but yours is soaked. I'm not even like that. Free for all with none to have, walk away empty handed with an open mind. So full of it I cannot even begin to explain. Why is this floating in my head not ever washing ashore. If I've been adrift for so long surely I would've ended up somewhere better by now. These smiles aren't as mocking as they used to be. I can't type like this. I can't think like this. I wouldn't dare ascend to a greater height for fear of heights. What's your phobia? What are you not thinking that you probably should be. What is all this work about and who prescribed it? Why am I not here with me? Why aren't you always there by yourself when I'm speaking to you about others in fear for themselves in the plague of water born parasites that infects our lives? We always walk in that direction until someone says, "I think we're lost." I'm not. I've been here before, I never made it out, you've just now joined me and are not as familiar with the surroundings. If I could stay awake just a little longer for the clarity to come crashing down my face then everything would still not be ok but it might be better. Let's forget this all happened and pretend it did.

Why the Fuck Am I Watching American Idol?

An honest question. I have no answer. I have nothing, I have failed. But it wasn't a very important thing that I failed at. I'll have better luck in future endeavors. Why can't we just pretend like we're living a happy life with no complaints. No alarms and No surprises please. This beast wasn't tamed and isn't likely to be. I can barely see this screen, where are my hands, how do they type? How do we remember all this shit? Forget I just said that. Figure out another way to get through the hole in the ground before the hole in the ground figures out a way to get through you. I can't even beging to think about the seriousness of this whole matter. Does it matter? What happens at the end of this road when the rope slips through our hands and we fall into some abyss that likely isn't quite as bad as people think. Who are these people anyways? Speaking for myself and the others like me we can't be bothered. Never bothered. That's the lifestyle to adapt to for survival. The Beagle didn't sail to my shore.

To Whomever it May Not Concern

Under penalty of nothing can we somehow form a something and get somewhere together without keeping boundaries between us that will only impede our progress towards a more or less equal partnership into which only ourselves no longer matter. Not a word of it. Not. A. Word. Speaking of which it's very quiet but that's not entirely true now is it? Surely someone must be listening, but from where. I couldn't find them this time. Maybe next. I could sit here sitting here all day long if I didn't want to be bothered. I don't. Who can say? I can't really. No, really. Ok, maybe. Possibly maybe? Probably not. What's not that smell? I sure wish it wasn't onions. It's not. Ever have one of those creepy uncles who touched you? Me either. We're lucky I guess, maybe not. Perhaps it's a life experience we're all missing out on. Is it worth it to know? I can't even tell anymore what's floating around in the void between my ears. They could have set us up the bomb and I'd be none the wiser. I wish I could sleep well, sleep well.

I'm really considering starting a cult.

Basically I have no self worth and I figure if I can use religion to con a bunch of stupid people into believing I'm the messiah, why not? I mean it beats the alternative right? Working a dead end 8-5 job. Who needs that bullshit, when I can have loyal followers doing my bidding and all I have to do is tell them how evil the world is and how much better off they are with me. It's sort of like dating if you think about it. But I can seriously live without that bullshit also. Anyways I have to think up what my cult is gonna be about and make sure I have good followers who won't turn on me the second I molest one of their 16 y/o daughters. Just kidding, I'd only molest the boys, just kidding again I WOULDN'T MOLEST ANYTHING HUMAN.

An Unfortunate Series of Shits

This television is never off. Even when it's on it's thinking something. The commercials are the worst part. The televisions nightmares. What about 80's horror movies you ask? Ernest Borgnine is cool. I'm writing stuff because I'm bored.